Lessons I've learned so far from motherhood.....

Bearing in mind I've only had 4 years and 3 months worth of experience....

1. If it's lost, it's probably in the garbage, and it depends on the sentimental value of the object whether or not it's retrieved.

2. A father struggling to control his children in the supermarket brings smiles and utterances of 'oh look how sweet he is with them' from fellow shoppers. For the mother, it brings nothing but looks of annoyance and alot of tutting.

3. Divide and conquer. And if that doesn't work, divide yourself from the house and let daddy conquer.

4. If you bring the raspberry bon bon, they will always want the lemon one. If you give them the red cup, they'll freak out because of course they wanted the yellow cup you gave to their sister.

5. If you want your child to poo, change their nappy and wait 5 minutes.

6. It doesn't matter how high up you hide something, they have ways of scaling great heights. But if you ask them to put their books away, they'll insist they can't reach the shelves.

7. One kiss and hug is never enough. They usually wait until you are halfway down the stairs before telling you this, or wait until you are at least 15 minutes late for work, walking out the front door with a piece of toast in your mouth. It's useless to resist.

8. It doesn't matter who you are talking to on the phone, daddy, the plumber, the police, the child will want to talk to them, and render you deaf until you let them say 'hello', or 'grgillgrillyooohh'.

9. No matter how much of a clean freak you are before children, you will have zero control when they are in the house. Jammy fingers, garden soil, spilt milk and lemon bon bons in the rug become facts of life. You just have to deal with it, or go insane.

10. No matter how outrageously horrible your children have been that day, or how high your blood pressure is, you are still able to honestly say that you couldn't imagine not having children. Perhaps because you've already gone insane!