Get 'em while they're young...

Conversation last night with my 6-year old little lady:

moi: I'll come back up after I walk the dogs to say goodnight.

elle: You promise?

moi: Pinky swear. (Hook pinkies with her and move them back and forth.)

elle: Is that what you do in American? (We have alot of conversations chez nous about how mommy does things in America and daddy does things in England.)

moi: Yes, I guess so....

elle: And is it true that all Americans do is eat at McDo's?

moi: What? Where did you hear that?

elle: Noemie told me that is the only thing Americans do.

Noemie is a girl in her class. She's 6 too, probably never met another American besides me, but somehow she is au fait with what all Americans do? Must come from her parents; one of which works in education, God help us.

Part of me wanted to tell her to ask Noemie if it was true that French people never shower. But then that would just be childish. Instead I asked her if it were true that all French people eat frog's legs. Not all, she responded. Exactly, I said.

So I guess it begins here, my daughter's first taste of ugly American stereotypes. I'm sure it won't be the last, and I'm sure she'll hear even uglier ones by the time she leaves school, but I guess I'm just a bit shocked that it has started already.

Having lived outside the States for 16 years, I've heard my fair share of American stereotypes, believe me. My skin became pretty thick living in England, where not a day in 4 years went past without me having to deflect some sort of American joke. The Duke says I'm far too sensitive about it, which is probably true, but still, it does get a little old after awhile.

I'm usually able to laugh it off now and it doesn't seem to happen quite as often here in France. Occasionally I'm still put in a position where I have to either explain, deny, excuse or defend things about my native country. That's cool, I guess, part of my choice to live abroad.

Now I suppose the little ladies will have to learn to get used to the jokes too. But like a mama bear protecting her cubs, I can't help but growl a little.

I'm thinking about inviting Noemie and her family over next Saturday night, and while they watch us clean out our firearms and sit around the television watching Jerry Springer and eating Big Macs on tv trays, I can try to set them straight on a few things...

Can't we all just get along?

The times, they are a changin', hopefully, with the door soon to be hitting George W Bush in the backside, the start of a new chapter in American history, etc., etc.

Living in France during the Bush administration has been about as fun as a cold shower on a winter's day in Siberia. All I could do was sit back and watch as Franco-American relations reached an all-time low.

Between the playground name calling (cheese-eating surrender monkeys, Old Europe), the francophopia (freedom fries and freedom toast), and the calls for 'Iraq first, France next!', it was often difficult to defend my reasons for living in France to family and friends back in the States.

There's a naive hope that things can only get better and that the relationship between the two countries will turn friendly again. Even if it's just to satisfy my selfish desire to live comfortably as an American expat in France.

I hope that the Bush administration's parting shot at the French, the tripling of import duties on Roquefort cheese, will be the last of the political taunting we'll see for awhile. (And Lord knows we certainly don't need José Bové all fired up again.)

I recently came across a handbook that was issued by the US military to GI's arriving in France at the end of WWII, called 112 Gripes about the French, or in French, Nos Amis les Français. The purpose of it was to refute or explain some of the 'gripes' or misconceptions GI's might have had about the French.

Maybe it would help if a copy of this was delivered door-to-door in the States today. Or failing that, maybe we could just kiss, on both cheeks, and make up...

Happy Thanksgiving...

My fellow Americans- I'll be thinking of you all today as you eat lots of pie and fight over who has to do the dishes. I will be celebrating turkey day with a Sri Lankan duck curry this evening. Not quite the same thing as an all-you-can-eat turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie fest, but it will have to do. And while you are all lolling around on the sofa after eating, watching football and playing board games, I'll be picking up the kids from school and carrying on like any other day. Because it is just any other day here in France.

I haven't celebrated this holiday properly for over 15 years now. It used to be my favorite day of the year (besides my bday, of course). But away from all the family and outside of the States, it kind of loses its essence for me. Sure, I can make a pumpkin pie and I can buy Ocean Spray cranberry sauce, but without American friends and family around, it just doesn't seem to work.

I get a little homesick on this day every year, and no matter how long I live abroad, I'm not sure that will ever truly stop happening. So, enjoy yourselves today and have a extra dollop of whip cream for me!

Obama...

Nina Simone- Feeling Good

To Be American in France.....

It's not always easy being an American in France. As patriotic as I am, there are times when it's just easier to nod my head when I'm lumped with 'les anglais', as most French people round here tend to call any foreigner who speaks English.

Throughout my time as an English assistant in a high school in Narbonne, I found myself expected to defend/explain many 'American' things, like Jerry Springer, Big Macs, guns, Bush, Iraq and obesity. Watching 'Bowling for Columbine' with my class of 30 French 18-year olds was one of the most difficult experiences, both personally and professionally, that I've ever had in a classroom.

The upcoming election is as talked about over here as it is in the States. Probably for different reasons, and with a different degree of hopeful expectations, the majority of French people I know are pulling for Obama. The idea of another 4 years of Republican rule just seems so wrong in their eyes.....

And now, with what the French are calling the latest American export, the economic crisis, I feel like once again my neighbors are looking at me as if I can provide an explanation.

In a recent poll by L'Express, apparently as more and more French are starting to feel the pinch of increased cost of living, gas prices, unemployment, the blame is once again being leveled at America.

I'm proud to be American, and I love my life in France, it's just hard sometimes to reconcile the two parts.....

Robin Williams and French Diplomacy...

The most perfect Republican candidate ever...

In a recent article on the BBC news website, we are enlightened with 10 facts about the Republican vice president candidate, Sarah Palin.

Here are the three bits I enjoyed the most (and of course I'm paraphrasing here):

Cindy McCain has said her husband John has "picked a reform-minded, hockey-mommin', basketball-shooting, moose-hunting, salmon-fishing, pistol-packing mother-of-five for vice-president". Pistol-packing is such an admirable trait for an American leader, don't you think?

She returned to work three days after the birth of her last child. What commendable stamina, resilience and dedication!

Apparently she attends a church that is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

A religious, gun-owning, family woman; a Republican party wet dream!

I'm sure she is a wonderful woman- capable, experienced, intelligent. But when has it become a respectable credential for the vice-presidency of the United States to be a Wallmart-shopping hockey mom? I mean I guess at least we know she'll be good at multi-tasking....

I guess I could take umbrage that these are the things being highlighted about her. The press don't tend to do this to the male candidates. I'm just at a loss to know why the Republicans think that she might pick up some of the votes that Hilary would have had, just because she's a woman. As much as I was happy Obama won the democratic candidacy, I think Hilary had alot of admirable qualities. I'm still waiting to be enlightened with some of Mrs. Palin's.

I wonder what the French think when they read phrases like 'reform-minded, hockey-mommin', basketball-shooting, moose-hunting, salmon-fishing, pistol-packing mother-of-five for vice-president'. Is this an improvement on America's image that's been damaged over the last 8 years?

L'Amérique....

When someone says to you America, what do you think? The US, or all of the Americas? I have always found it strange that the French don't necessarily differentiate between north and south, they just call it all L'Amérique.

Take this quiz, for example, L'Amérique en 10 questions from the Le Monde newspaper. I was expecting a quiz on the US, but it covers Canada(!), South and Central America.

Am I just not understanding this properly? Or am I just being typically American-centric when I assume it's all about the US?

At any rate, I got a whopping 3/10 right......

This is hilarious and thought of you.....

This is the kind of thing I had to put up with living in England for 4 years.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).



Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)



1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

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2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' with out skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

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4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

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13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen.

Un accent? Moi? C'est pas vrai....

I have no idea what kind of accent I have now, but I do enjoy watching people trying to figure it out. Being married to an Englishman and living in England for 4 years has helped to completely alter my once perfectly regionless American accent (an accent which was perfected through having divorced parents and living in 6 different states before I was 18.)

Take this quiz to see what regional American accent you have:

What American accent do you have?

Here's my result:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
The Inland North
Boston
North Central
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I guess at the end of the day, there'll always be a South Dakotan lurking inside me somewhere!

It'll be interesting to see how the little ladies' accents develop. They certainly have already picked up the strong midi accent, the one where maman sounds like 'mamang' and viens sounds like 'vieng'. No matter if they would be scoffed at on the streets of Paris for being country bumpkins, hey, they are speaking French, and better than me! I'm so proud....

Word for the day: obliterate

This is exactly the kind of rhetoric that scares the hell out of me about Hilary.

This morning on the BBC News website:

Speaking in Indiana, Mrs Clinton said she had no regrets about promising to "totally obliterate" Iran if it attacked Israel with nuclear weapons - a scenario that was put to her two weeks ago.

"Why would I have any regrets?" she asked on ABC television.

"I am asked a question about what I would do if Iran attacked our ally, a country that many of us have a great deal of, you know, connection with and feeling for."

That's the same kind of cowboy blanket statement George used to make, and look where that got us. Time to change the record, people!

It's a love/hate thing.....

The relationship between France and McDonalds has always been an awkward one. The older generation hate it, the younger generation love it (but make fun of the Big- Mac-eating, obese kids in the States at the same time), the anti-globalization gang like to burn them down, and the average parent will probably only admit to the occasional Happy Meal transgression.

Growing up in the States, I remember fondly the late 70's/early 80's notion of going to McDonalds on a Saturday as a treat. I remember when chicken nuggets first appeared. I had a bizarre hobby of collecting large size fry cartons. We hung out in the parking lot of McDonalds every Friday night in high school, and I remember discovering the exquisite taste of a french fry dipped into a chocolate shake.

The Duke isn't a big fan, and after living outside of the States for 15 years, I've slowly found myself drifting away from thinking that a supersized meal is really a necessary part of my diet. (Besides, I myself would prefer Burger King, but here in the south of France, it's either Quick Burger (the French equivalent of McDonalds) or McDonalds.)

Now, like smoking, it's a thing which one doesn't mention one does in polite company. At least not more than once a month. Although the tell tale is always having a quick glance at the child's toy basket to see how many happy meal toys are there.....

Anyway, I think it's my children's heritage to be acquainted with McDonalds and think that to truly understand where their mom comes from, they too need to learn to dip their french fries into their chocolate shakes.

So imagine my delight when the 5 year old lady came home with a birthday invitation today which read, "Je t'invite à fêter mon 'wouaaanniversaire' chez McDonald's!'.

See, at the end of the day, this parenting thing really isn't so different between France and the States.......

Where in the world? Geography 101

An article today in the New York Times, Dumb and Dumber: Are Americans Hostile to Knowledge?, talks about how author Susan Jacoby perceives Ameria's declining sense of culture. Here is an excerpt from the article, written by Patricia Cohen:

She pointed to a 2006 National Geographic poll that found nearly half of 18- to 24-year-olds don’t think it is necessary or important to know where countries in the news are located. So more than three years into the Iraq war, only 23 percent of those with some college could locate Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Israel on a map.

So I ask myself, could I approach a blanked out map and correctly identify where these four countries are located? I can if you can...... So tell me:

1. Which letter represents Iraq?

2. Iran?

3. Saudi Arabia?

4. Israel?

Full points and an honorable mention to anyone who can tell me the countries A-P.
And no cheating!

Guns.....

There seem to be two things we can count on to be in the news headlines these days, bombings in Iraq and young Americans shooting their peers on school campuses.

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.....

Several years back, my old high school made the news when my old Geometry teacher's class was held hostage by a kid with a gun. Apparently the shooting yesterday at Northern Illinois University was the fourth campus shooting in a WEEK. Columbine, Virginia Tech, these are places remembered not for being sanctuaries for young American students, but for being backdrops of some of the worst massacres to have taken place on American soil in the 21st Century.

I feel sick. I feel sick when I see young kids in pushchairs weilding their toy guns. I feel sick when I read that this latest gunman had 3 firearms on him. Where the hell does a college kid get a gun, let alone 3?

How is it possible that in a country where you can't smoke anywhere because you may endanger someone else's life, young people are able to acquire guns?

I don't even know where to begin to organize my thoughts on this one. There seems to be a malaise spreading across the States at the moment. What's the cause? What's the solution? Why is it that Americans feel confident enough to 'sort out' the world's problems, but can't stop young Americans from going on shooting sprees in our own country?

How much money does the government actually make off gun sales? I mean, come on, this has to be the only reason why it is still so easy for people to get guns in the first place......

Proud of my American heritage?

Recipe for the day: 1 early morning ibuprofen, 2 coffees and a noisette, a little domestos, and some tapenade.

Every once in a while, I come across something that makes me think positively about my native country. On almost a daily basis I come across something that makes me feel saddened, but then again it may be that I've been gone so long, I'm now being brain washed by European media. Anyway.....
I came across the following article on the BBC news website about Barack Hussein Obama, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6173373.stm.
I guess it exicted me because I've been so disillusioned by the fact that so many of my fellow educated country men actually voted for Bush, I'd almost given up on the mental state of the United States. But maybe there is hope, although I've yet to read Mr Obama's critics' opinions on the man, so maybe I shouldn't hold my breath. I mean, I guess there is always Hiliary, but won't she have constraints placed on her simply by being the first woman president and wanting to tow the line?
I also see South Dakota came to their senses and turned down the bill to make abortions illegal again. I'd been thinking the entire state had been trapped inside a timewarp stopped in the 70's.
Not sure why politics are on the brain at the moment, I guess the presidential race is getting so much coverage here in France, it's a little difficult to get away from. I do think it would be interesting to see the relationship between Mme Royale (a favorite to become the first female President of France), and Mrs Clinton. All sort of sexist jokes aside, I really do think things would change around here......